I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
