just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
