oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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