She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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