Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
