So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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