They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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