I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
