If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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