My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
In other news, I just burned my penis
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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