We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
