I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Randomize
