thus making me awesome and them whores
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
