Will you blow on my dice?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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