I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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