matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
