Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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