just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I will pee on everything he values.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
