I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
