the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
