I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
