I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
