Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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