I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
