Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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