i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize