my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
