I'm eating all of the evidence.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
