nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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