Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
