Are we in a gay sports bar?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
