Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
