I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize