her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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