she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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