thus making me awesome and them whores
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize