I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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