I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
