we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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