just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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