i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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