I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
