if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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