We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
