i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
