It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I want a musical about memes.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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