So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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