Non-Jews are for practice
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
