last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
