She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
