In the future we'll all be gay
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
