I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i think my tv is drunk
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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