this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
