do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
