Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I want to make a zoo with you.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
