He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
