I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
