ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
