I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
