I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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