I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
