splinters make it hard to masturbate
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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