I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
