dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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