hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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