so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
