Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize