youre lurking in front of me
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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