I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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