so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You dont lie about slip and slides
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
