my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
