dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
