the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
