whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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