Swine flu. Run for my life!
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
