ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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