I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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