in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
