Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
