..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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