waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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