listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize