I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
