Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
