Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
