Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
