I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
