She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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