Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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