we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
