I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
