Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
