Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
