Fuck appropriateness.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
