Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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