Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
