3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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