She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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