if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize