I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
