The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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