Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
