I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
my being single is dangerous.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Let's get the cat blown out
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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