Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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