I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I love having hate sex.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
