So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
