I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
