ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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