he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
