Screwed.edu
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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