It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
