I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
