just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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