You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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