my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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