Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
