The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
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