Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
